barbara walters just said penis...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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