I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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