You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
