But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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