Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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