I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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