My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
