Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
