A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
