I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
