ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
