there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
