the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
