I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
tell me about the fingering
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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