Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
