She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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