Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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