just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
