so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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