yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
