they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
