He uses pillows to masturbate.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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