Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i out mim tonsoeep
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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