pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
