Your dad touched me again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize