look no pants
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
