I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
