I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
