just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
