Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
