happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
