if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
