Your dad touched me again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
