does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
