im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We have so much sex to catch up on
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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