Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
