She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
