Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
