oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
