Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
