so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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