planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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