Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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