ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
