I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I stole a fireplace last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
