What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
