dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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