bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
