you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
