On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize