Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
