Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize