what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
