maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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