My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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