The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
