"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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