At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize