dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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