filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
