Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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