She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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