Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
