apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
